Attachment Parenting

Relationships in the womb

December 11, 2011 by amanda 2 Comments

I’m currently reading (and having a bit of a love-hate relationship with) Reclaiming The Spirituality of Birth.

In the “love” category: There is some really interesting research quoted in this book. It has encouraged me to look up some new authors, like Allessandra Piontelli.

Here’s one example of information that I’ve never seen mentioned elsewhere. The author, Benig Mauger, is discussing how babies in the womb develop relationships and socialize.

One twin (a boy) was observed to be consistently more active in the uterine environment than his sister, who generally slept peacefully curled up in her corner of the womb. Every so often he would wake his sister, by stroking the membrane between them, encouraging her to play. She would wake up and the twins would play together in their mother’s womb, moving around behind their respective membranes. They would have gentle boxing matches and tickle one another….(pg. 53)

Isn’t that so cool? Each of my babies have enjoyed kicking and playing with those of us outside of the womb. I think it is really fascinating to consider the way that twins interact in the womb and how much of a baby’s personality is already in place before they are born.

But then, in the “hate” category (and perhaps “hate” is too strong of a word), there is some information in here that is flat-out WRONG. For example, the author says that “the umbilical cord connects the baby to the placenta and within it are two major blood vessels, one taking oxygen to the baby and the other removing all waste products.” (pg. 39) Actually, a typical umbilical cord has 3 vessels — two arteries and one vein. About 1% of babies will have a two vessel cord, but that is not typical. The fact that such a basic fact could be incorrect makes me really cautious about believing anything that the author writes.

I’m going to continue reading it, because the gems in it are really good, but I think that the typos and obvious errors make it especially important to fact-check anything you learn in here. I looked up the information about the twins in utero, and it seems to be accurate.

Slowing down

September 3, 2010 by amanda 1 Comment

Tonight my almost 3-year-old was having a tough time at dinner. She doesn’t really nap anymore, and every couple of days it catches up to her and she is sleepy before her normal bedtime. I asked if she wanted to go upstairs to lay down and snuggle for a few minutes. I wasn’t sure if she’d fall asleep or if we’d just have a little time of connection and then she’d be off on her way.

We talked for a few minutes and then she started drifting to sleep. Falling asleep is seemingly so unremarkable, but the beauty of the moment always makes me smile. I love to watch a toddlers’ eyes as they dance and sparkle. I only wish that we, as adults, could maintain that same quality in our eyes when we are awake. Soon, as sleep starts to set in, their eyes get quiet. Their eyelids start to get heavy. Their breaths become deep and rhythmic, like a perfect yoga session. It is one of those moments that always humbles me. The peace is contagious. I can’t help but breathe a little slower and relax my body too.

Tonight I laid there and thought about how easy it is to fall into a trap of thinking that you need to train your children to sleep, and then you’d miss out on watching these little daily miracles. It happens so much in our culture. We are encouraged to improve upon things. Babies fall asleep while nursing, but the books say that she must play after she eats! Humans are so resilient. We adapt even when our nature, our best system, is screwed with. It tricks people into thinking that just because something seems easier then it must be the “right” thing to do. If only life were so black and white that the easiest thing was the “right” thing 😉

It seems so cliche, but tonight I am thankful for the opportunity to be able to slow down, enjoy the breathtaking moments that are so easy to miss, and be present. It is so hard sometimes, but so centering. I missed a lot more of them with my oldest because I felt far more pressured by society to make him an “independent” sleeper or a “self-soother”. I am thankful for the opportunity to savor these moments now with each of my kids. Life passes so quickly.

The Containerization of our Children

July 23, 2010 by amanda 11 Comments

LOVE this article!
The Containerization of Infants

The article talks about the huge changes that have happened in just two generations…

recent research study replicated a study done in the 1940’s, in which psychological researchers asked kids age 3, 5, and 7 to do a number of exercises. Today’s 5 year olds were acting at a level of 3 year olds, 60 years ago, and today’s 7 year olds were barely approaching the level of the 5 year old (1, 4, 5). In the 1940’s, children were reported to walk at 8-12 months of age, now children are reported to begin walking at 12-15 months of age (2). Realistically speaking that is only a generation ago; that’s a huge decline in functional performance in a relatively short time span.

I’ve read about this in other places as well. Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering is the first book that comes to mind. Both Dr. Sarah Buckley (author of GBGM) and Brandi Breitback (author of the above article) focus on the importance of vestibular stimuli. In other words, a big part of how our babies learn is by experiencing the world around them through natural movement. Being in an infant bucket for many hours each day means that your baby is only checking out the ceiling (or sun hood), and her inner ear is not getting to register the movement that is NEEDED for their brain to develop. It is so important!

As Dr. Sarah Buckley says,

Movement stimulates the vestibular (balance) center and the cerebellum, at the base of the brain, helping to establish brain-wiring connections that have major consequences for later brain development. For example, an area called the cerebellar vermis, which is stimulated by movement, is now thought to be a crucial region for mental health in adulthood.

As the article says,

As we look back at how infants were cared for one to two generations ago, we can imagine that infants had much more exposure to movement and seeing the world from changing angles and depths. It is more likely that a mother of generations ago would put her baby in one arm or on her hip and go about her day; the baby at that point experiences several positional changes from the mother’s body moving, as well as from the mother likely changing holds on the baby. In this manner, the baby is then experiencing changing vestibular and proprioceptive inputs that are natural to a mother’s movement and gravitational force. Baby-carrying provides the elements of pressure, motion, pleasure, warmth, security, sound that is essential to the development of the vestibular nervous system

We were at the Apple store the other day, and the employees were shocked at my husband and I. It wasn’t because we had 4 kids — as a matter of fact, 3 of them were not with us. We only had our 4-month-old, and we were carrying her in-arms. I had a clean diaper in my purse, but no giant diaper bag or baby paraphernalia. The employees couldn’t believe it. This one guy, who was in his early 20s, was all, “That’s so cool. You’re just rockin’ it with your baby and no stroller or baby bags or anything.” They all thought it was so novel. 😛

In the grand scheme of things, the employees were really quite close in age to me. I’m fairly sure that none were younger than 20, so we didn’t have 10 years between us. They grew up around infant buckets, though, and I didn’t because they weren’t popular when I was little. It was funny to me and my husband as we watched them process that we were just carrying a baby.

I understand the appeal of being able to strap your baby into the carseat, unhook them at the mall and place them in the stroller, shop, and then wheel them back to the car where they plug right back in. Sometimes life works out where you just need your hands/body free or you can’t carry your baby for some other reason, but why not carry our babies when we can? How many times have you seen a baby crying and the mother frantically pushing the stroller back and forth? (Actually, I think I WAS that mother at least once when my oldest was a baby…) Our babies’ brains are AMAZING, and they are hard wired to want to be picked up. As Dr. Sarah J. Buckley says in her book, part of why babies developed the desire to be held was so they could ensure that they were safe and not attacked by a predator… throughout time, babies have needed someone to hold them!

And, honestly, how else are you going to get to smell all of that yummy baby smell? MMmmmm! Mommas are made to want to carry babies too 😉 Our society has redefined the norm, but that doesn’t change how we are made.

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Time Spent Together

July 21, 2010 by amanda Leave a Comment

The National Family Institute reported that the average American child spends 12.5 minutes each day communicating with her parents. Of that time, 8.5 minutes are spent on corrections, criticisms, or arguments. A University of Iowa study revealed that on average, a child hears 432 negative comments daily, compared to 32 positive ones (Hochschild, 1997.)

Isn’t that a scary number?

Here’s another one:

If you concentrate on playing with young children for at least five minutes a day, you may reduce power struggles by as much as fifty percent.

Amen! I completely agree!

I’ve been reading Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey for the past few weeks, and it has been wonderful. It has really been the perfect timing for me. As with almost all parenting books we read, Joe and I have been using the techniques primarily on ourselves, lol. It is humbling to see all of the ways that we can improve. What I really love about this book is the focus on your own thought patterns and how they impact your relationships with others.

I hope to come back and discuss it more… Hopefully in the next week! I am insanely busy between the kids, midwifery school, finishing my doula certification, working on my herbalism class, and taking a few web design jobs. Hopefully it’ll slow down soon… I have a big assignment to turn in for my midwifery school and I expect to have a little more blogging time once it is submitted. 🙂 (Well, except then it’ll be time to work on the next big assignment, LOL!)

Inner Separation Anxiety

May 12, 2010 by amanda 2 Comments

I subscribe to The Daily Groove, and I find that it often contains a little word of encouragement that is just what I need. Some of the wording is a little “out there”, but there is enough good stuff to keep me on the list.

Today’s Daily Groove was all about “Inner Separation Anxiety”. This is the idea that we can be physically present, but not there emotionally/spiritually/mentally and that our kids can feel that something is not right. That feeling causes them anxiety similar to if you were physically absent and they were having traditional separation anxiety.

This was a really good reminder for me. As we settle into our new routine with four kids, it can be challenging for me to be completely present during the day. My mind is often trying to sort through a million different things, even while I’m talking to or playing with my kids. One of my favorite quotes from GCM says that we cannot expect our children to be any more calm than we are. We set the tone for our house, and it is important to be mindful of that fact.

As Scott said in the Daily Groove:

Today, look for a correlation between your child’s state and your own. Is s/he more anxious when you feel off-center in some way? If so, let your child’s anxiety serve as a reminder to practice centering.

That is advice that I will definitely be taking Â 🙂

The Functions of the Orgasms

January 31, 2010 by amanda 2 Comments

I am sure that just including the phrase “The Functions of the Orgasms” in my blog will get me all sorts of unwanted traffic. I apologize in advance if you find my blog when you were looking for something more exciting 😉 But, really, this book is so awesome that you should stay and read about it anyways, lol.

The basic premise behind this book (which is written by the fabulous Michel Odent) is that we have ecstatic/orgasmic states throughout life, and three important times of them happening are when we have the sperm ejection reflex, the fetus ejection reflex and the milk ejection reflex. Basically, the same hormones are used when you make a baby, push a baby out, and feed a baby. The scary thing is that

Due to the improved technique of medically assisted conceptions and cesareans, the advances in anesthesiology and pharmacology, and the development of the food industry, women can now conceive a baby, give birth, and feed their infant without relying on the release of ‘cocktails of love hormones.’

It really is fascinating. The hormones that we release during these orgasmic states help us to bond and even create a state of dependency. Whether you believe in creation or evolution, our bodies have been designed somehow to release these hormones at those times.

I have a couple of topics that I want to write from this book, but for now I’ll just highly suggest that you buy it. If you’d like to read it along with a group, the unassisted childbirth reading room is currently working their way through it. Come hang out with us! Note that I have never had an unassisted childbirth, but am still active in the group 😉

Oh, and while I’m at it, I’ll give another plug for Sarah Buckley’s article on this topic as it relates to the hormones of birth:
http://www.sarahjbuckley.com/articles/ecstatic-birth.htm