Homeschool — HippieMommy

Apr 3, 2007

Obedience – a difficult word

Today as I was reading in Home Education by Charlotte Mason, I was thinking about how many different parents (including myself) now shy away from the word “obedience”. So many of the less desirable parenting styles have taken it over, and so it is hard to use it and still convey the proper message. I realized that I tend to use other words in place of obedience because of this. The section that I read today really reminded me that it is all in how you use it. I really like how Charlotte Mason approaches it as the child’s responsibility to obey, and not our job to make them obey. This is very much in agreement with grace based discipline She has a couple of points that I’d slightly rework, but hey, the text is 100 years old, so I can see how there could be some difficulty communicating.

Charlotte Mason says

It is said that the children of parents who are most strict in exacting obedience often turn out ill; and that orphans and other poor waifs brought up under strict discipline only wait their opportunity to break out into license.

Um yeah, totally true.

Exactly so; because, in these cases, there is no gradual training of the child in the habit of obedience; no gradual enlisting of his will on the side of sweet service and a free-will offering of submission to the highest law: the poor children are simply bullied into submission to the will, that is, the wilfulness, of another; not at all, ‘for it is right‘, only because it is convenient.

I am so glad that she addresses this. The fact is that many of the popular Christian parenting philosophies are all about bullying into submission and forcing the child to do it, not of their own free-will. This can never last. If the child is not choosing it for themselves, then why would they continue doing it when they no longer have to?

There is no need to rate the child, or threaten him, or use any manner of violence, because the parent is invested with the authority which the child intuitively recognises. It is enough to say, ‘Do this,’ in a quiet, authoritative tone, and expect it to be done. The mother often loses her hold over her children because they detect in the tone of her voice that she does not expect them to obey her behests; she does not think enough of her position; has not sufficient confidence in her own authority.

Yes, yes, yes. I find this so true in my own voice. When I am calm and respectful, so are my children. If I am getting flustered or upset, then my kids don’t have a calm role model anymore and they start following in my bad habits. I was sitting around watching moms today while I was at a drop-in Kindergarten for my kids, and I was struck by how true this is. It is true amongst the teachers, the parents, anyone in authority. Those who spoke calmly and were clear of what they expected had no problem with the children following through. Those who seemed to be asking the child a question did not get the same results.

Like I said, I don’t take every word of Charlotte Mason like the Bible. Even still, I think that her beliefs, especially considering how old they are, are very sound and impressive. As I mentioned above, I would choose not to use the word “obey”/”obedience” because of the negative connotations that it now has for so many people, but I also realize that when she wrote this it wasn’t the same problem. She gives me a lot of food for thought though. Most of it is not “new”, but rather a gentle encouragement that I am on the right track. That is so perfect, since that is what we are to do for our children as well

Filed Under: Charlotte Mason, Home Education - Mason ·

Mar 27, 2007

I should be a little more open-minded to other Christians

By amanda · 2 Comments

I’ve had some good food for thought today.

I took the kids to a drop-in Kindergarten class for homeschoolers (which they loved, btw) and while I was sitting there I started browsing through their lending library. I saw that they had Teri Maxwell’s Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit, so I decided to grab it and check it out.

When I was a new mom, I had looked at the Maxwell’s site. I was really turned off by their forums. I’m pretty sure they either took their forums down or made them non-public. Whatever they did, they’re not there anymore. The advice that I saw on the forums was very punitive and certainly deep on the end of wife-only submission. They link to the Pearls and suggest their books, which is enough to make me run away screaming any day. Some of their articles, including one entitled “A Trip to the Woodshed” make me uncomfortable enough that I decided that I didn’t want to support their ministry by buying books.

On the other hand, there have been quite a few discussions on GCM about their other book, Managers of Their Homes (AKA “MOTH”), and a lot of moms have been blessed by it. They have another book called Managers of Their Chores (“MOTC”) which has also blessed several women on GCM. I highly respect these women, and they said that they found it relatively easy to eat the meat and throw out the bones.

Because of the latter position, I decided to skim Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit, and I’m really glad that I did. Did I agree with all of it? Absolutely not. However, several of the sections were wonderful reminders and fit in well with my grace-based and gentle style of teaching and disciplining my children. I particularly liked some of the things that Mrs. Maxwell had to say about organization and time management, which is clearly one of her strengths. I’m assuming that’s why she’s known for MOTH and MOTC. I can see how some of the moms at GCM were blessed by her ministry.

This has led me to think a lot today about the ministries that I choose not to support. I still don’t think I want to support the Maxwell’s ministry, because I don’t believe in at least half of it. Despite that, I gained some knowledge today and God has already used some of it to stretch me as a wife and a mother. I’m wondering where the balance is though. I have a feeling that I’ll be pondering it for the next few days.

Let me also say, and say clearly, that I have read books by the Pearls and Ezzo just so that I could be educated on what I’m against, and they icked me out to no end. I gained nothing from those books, except frustration and a wish that I could write the authors back to point out all of their logical flaws. Those books were all bones – bones and gristle. I am certainly NOT trying to say that any book written by a Christian is worth putting into your mind. I do think that there are probably some more people on the fringe who could teach me a thing or two.

….still thinking…

Filed Under: Homeschool ·

Mar 20, 2007

Who is the truly “peer-dependent” one?

By amanda · 2 Comments

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently as I’ve become more involved in homeschooling groups. As much as homeschoolers like to say that they are proud to raise children who are not peer-dependent, it seems that those at greatest risk of dependency are actually the parents. I am currently reading The Successful Homeschool Family Handbook and I was pleased to see this exact topic mentioned.

Peer dependency? If you are an average adult, you are so peer dependent that you’re scared sick to stand out from the crowd–your relatives, neighbors, school. and church friends. And failure’s grisly head makes your fears horrific! … Anything but standard practice scares you, unless you see how easily Susie is doing it down the street or realize you’re destroying your children’s love for learning.

I find this to be so incredibly true in many of my groups. There are, of course, those moms who are confident and able to make decisions on their own (the “Susie” of the above quote), but there are so many more who are always wanting to jump to where the grass looks greener. Why is it so hard to read something that connects with you, see if it works with your kids, and not panic about the fact that other people are doing it differently? I know we all want our kids to be successful, but I really believe that if you are consistent in any method, and your kids enjoy it, then you don’t need to fear that they will learn. In the long-term everyone’s enjoyment, your attitude, and some kind of consistency seems to be enough to carry you through. When I look back on my schooling, I see that what made me do better than the kids around me was the way that my parents encouraged my love to learn. There was no magic workbook or curriculum that made me intelligent. There’s no such thing.

So that’s my thought for the day, as I read a bunch of moms who are panicked about what curriculum to use for next year. If you current curriculum isn’t working, then of course you should change it, but there’s no need to switch to classical education because everyone else is… If it fits, then great. If what you are doing works, then just enjoy it!

Filed Under: Homeschool ·

Mar 13, 2007

Can you tell I’ve been sick?

By amanda · 5 Comments

Man, this pregnancy has been hitting me hard. I feel like an amoeba. I am tired all the time… well, except when I’m throwing up. I am getting too old for this!

So please forgive me for my lack of updates. I’ve hardly even been reading. It is pathetic!

The one (adult) book that I have finished was Teach a Child to Read with Children’s Books. My son already knew basic phonics, and we played around with Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons last year, so we had a bit of a base, but we are both loving this new method. There is something so much more satisfying for him when he reads an actual book and not something nonsensical like “Fat pat sat on a rat. Rat, Pat, rat!” People don’t even talk like that.

I highly recommend Teach a Child… if you are interested in a more literature-centered reading curriculum. It has been so lovely for us. The book lists in the back are great and if you need (or want) to keep records then he has some great sheets in there that you can print off. We checked it out from the library, so it was easy on the budgt and even Compact-friendly.

Well, I’m off to make dinner and probably throw up again. I’m sure I’m making you all jealous. <rolling my eyes>

Filed Under: Charlotte Mason, Homeschool ·

Oct 30, 2006

Our book diet – Day 4

By amanda · Leave a Comment

It is amazing to see my children’s attention spans already lengthening after only a week of consistantly cutting back tv and increasing their book intake They are begging for more books, and we are now taking daily (rather than weekly or bi-weekly) trips to the library. My daughter (2 1/2) likes to re-read her favorites, but my son (4 1/2) loves the adventure of a new book. He has started checking out non-fiction books about dinosaurs, boats, and airplanes, and now that’s his new favorite category. They are both back to reading books while we drive around town, which was a habit they had started to lose.
Not only can they pay attention longer, but their imaginative play is increasing by leaps and bounds. They seem to be making up for lost time! My kids didn’t even watch that much, and yet still we are seeing a dramatic improvement. May I also mention that they are much less frustrated and getting out a whole lot more energy. Something about reading for half an hour really calms them down. Watching TV for the same amount of time leaves them all revved up.
My quote for the day, as I reflect back on the amount of Dora and The Backyardigans my kids were watching , from The Read-Aloud Handbook:

The vocabulary of television is lower than nearly all forms of print, from comic books to children’s books and newspapers and magazines. A study of the scripts from eight programs favored by teenagers showed a sentence averaged only seven words (versus eighteen words in my local newspaper). Since TV is a picture medium, a fair comparison would be with children’s picture books:

72 percent of the TV scripts consisted of simple sentences or fragments/

In Make Way for Ducklings by Robert McCloskey, only 33 percent of the text is simple sentences.

In The Tale of Peter Rabbit by Beatrix Potter, only 21 percent of the text is simple sentences. (p. 203-204)

Thus one can say even good children’s picture books contain language that is at least twice the complexity of television’s. Imagine how much more complex the novels are.

Its only a little past noon, and here’s what we’ve read so far:

Filed Under: Our Book Diet ·

Oct 29, 2006

Book Diet – Day 3 (Weekend)

By amanda · Leave a Comment

Here’s my weekend edition of our book diet We’ve read more books than this, but this gives you a good idea. Here’s my thought for the day, courtesy of The Read-Aloud Handbook

NAEP studies reported the more printed materials found in a child’s home, the higher the student’s writing, reading, and math skills. (NAEP 1992 Trends in Academic Progress)

Filed Under: Our Book Diet, The Read-Aloud Handbook - Trelease ·

Oct 26, 2006

Book Diet – Day 2

By amanda · 2 Comments

Its a snowy day, so we’re having lots of time to read! I’ll update it later once we’ve done all of our reading for the day. Here’s our list so far:

Filed Under: Our Book Diet ·

Oct 25, 2006

Our Book Diet – Day 1 (10/25)

By amanda · Leave a Comment

As many of you know, I am working through Trelease’s The Read-Aloud Handbook. It has really inspired me to make sure that I am not just reading to my kids at bedtime, but rather making read-aloud time a big part of our day. I have decided to focus from now until Thanksgiving on making sure that my kids are getting a healthy “diet” of great books. We’ve slacked a lot due to our impending move, and this is something that I don’t want to see fall by the wayside.

Feel free to join me! I’m going to try to post at least 10 books a day that we’ve read. That’s my minimum. My kids would probably read 100, but 10 is a good goal for me, as it is a reasonable amount of my day to spend on reading to them without it being too overwhelming for us right now.

Yesterday was almost all chapter books (Winnie the Pooh especially), so today is lighter fare

Today’s picks: (2 of these were read to me by my 4yo…)

Filed Under: Our Book Diet, The Read-Aloud Handbook - Trelease ·

Oct 21, 2006

Are we failing our boys?

By amanda · Leave a Comment

A woman on one of my email lists suggested this book, and I am loving it! I’ve already found a lot of things that I want to discuss and ponder.

I am especially interested in his assertion that families in our country, and especially fathers, are doing a disservice to young men and boys by giving them the idea that reading is a “girly” thing to do.

…one place where there is never a shortage of males is in our remedial reading classes, where boys make up more than 70 percent of the enrollment. In American remedial classes, that is. Boys don’t constitute 70 percent of remedial students in many other countries. In Insraeli remedial classes, there are no gender differences. In Finland, England, Nigeria, India, and Germany, the girls outnumber the boys. It can’t be genetics.

I would’ve guessed that India would’ve had that statistic, and I honestly wasn’t too surprised about American boys being behind girls in reading. I’m trying to figure out why I just accept that though. I obviously don’t think it is genetic. Trelease has his own ideas about why this is. We’ll get to that later though. Back to the statistics:

According to… research, boys are more likely than girls to repeat a grade or drop out of school, suffer from more learning disabilities, are three times more likely to be enrolled in special-education classes, are more likely to be involved in criminal and delinquent behavior, are less likely to be enrolled in college-prep classes, have lower educational expectations, lower reading and writing scores, read less for pleasure, and do less homework. Even those males who eventually reach college are less likely to graduate than females, largely due to their macho-male behavior while they are there; as Riordan notes, “while in college they spend more time than women exercising, partying, watching TV, or playing video games.”

When it comes to schooling, its been long known that girls were better in the early years, but boys passed them in the later years. This is no longer true.

Thanks to concerted social and academic efforts, girls’ high school and college scores have risen for the past two decades. But during the same period, the boys’ scores have taken a nosedive.

An immediate measure of the downshift among young males in the last decade can be seen in the number of students taking the Advanced Placement exams. AP courses allow achieving high school students to gain college credit while still in high school… The girls’ rate of AP courses has shown a steady climb, while the boys rate has taken two dips and allowed a wide margin to grow between the sexes.

In 1970, males outnumbered females in college enrollment by a ratio of 59 to 41. By 2000, that ratio had been reversed to 57 to 42 in favor of women. Granted, the women’s movement raised the bar for female achievement in the classroom, but what’s been going on with the guys?

I was thinking about the women’s movement as I was reading this section. I’d love to see an egalitarian movement take hold for men where they could be encouraged to be smart and excel without a bunch of machismo and chest beating. That’d be nice.

So now Trelease talks about his theory on what is happening, and it has a lot to do with a larger emphasis on sports (24-hour channels, etc) for men and a deeper encouragement (or at least modeling) that focuses on engaging athletics rather than academics. Regardless of education level, the average was the same for families: fathers read only 15% of the time, mothers 76%, and others 9%.

The right call for fathers is to be involved intellectually as well as athletically with a child. If a child must wait until junior high or middle school before encountering a male in the act of reading, the idea that reading is for girls will already have taken deep root in his mind. We have to short-circuit that dangerous thinking and convince American males that it is not only possible but preferable for fathers to be athletically and intellectually involved in their children’s lives. A father can play catch in the backyard after dinner and, on the same night, read to the child for fifteen minutes. He can take him to the basketball game on Friday night and the library on Saturday morning.

My dh is wonderful at this. He reads with the kids all the time, and they also see him reading. I feel so very thankful. There are some days when he reads to my kids and I don’t ::ducking my head::. And its not that I’m not a reader (obviously!), but that is something that dh makes sure ALWAYS happens at bedtime. I’m saddened to hear how rare this is

Filed Under: Homeschool, The Read-Aloud Handbook - Trelease ·

Oct 19, 2006

Toddler tutoring gains in popularity – Nightly News with Brian Williams – MSNBC.com

By amanda · 2 Comments

Toddler tutoring gains in popularity – Nightly News with Brian Williams – MSNBC.com

Now, there’s even a precursor to preschool. It’s called “Junior Kumon,” a spin-off of the popular tutoring program, but for toddlers. Three-year-old Giana is enrolled. With the help of an instructor, she can identify common objects like twigs and presents.

Here’s an idea: Why not teach your kids about twigs by actually letting them go outside and see a twig? Its crazy, but it works!

Large tutoring companies that have long helped high school students prepare for the SATs are now helping three- to six-year-olds prepare for kindergarten.

Responding to the demands of parents, Junior Kumon was launched in 2003; today, about 40,000 children are enrolled, at a cost of up to $220 a month.

How horrifying is this?! I was watching the nightly news and saw this and just had to post it. Parents are sending their 3-year-olds to tutoring to learn their ABCs. Um, my kids both knew them before 2 – no tutors needed. How has our society convinced parents that we need to hire experts for every aspect of life?! How sick!

Giana’s mom wants her daughter to have an edge. “My main goal is to have her ahead of the class,” says Gina Moreno. “I don’t want her to be the kid that needs [an] after-school program, that needs help.”

I probably shouldn’t even point out that the mother made a grammatical error during the interview. Even aside from that, how does it ever make sense that in order to stop your kid from needing help during their school age years, you instead decide to suck away their childhood and force them to go to tutoring during a time in their life when they need to be outdoors and learning about the world around them?

When did our country become so assinine?

Filed Under: Homeschool ·