Grace Vs. Works

I had already planned on having this as my next post, but it works out really well considering that the comments from the last post went in this direction :)

I want to say before I even start quoting that I almost completely disagree with the author’s description of Palestinian Jews vs. Hellenistic Jews, but oh well. I’m using his version in order to discuss.

From Chapter 2 of Church History in Plain Language

The Palestinian Christians, steeped in traditional Judaism, said, “Tell them that unless they submit to the Jewish law, in addition to believing in Jesus, there is no hope for their faith.”

OK, I agree with most of his description, but not so much the use of the word “steeped”.

Paul, however, found this impossible. His own experience pointed another way. If a person could gain the righteousness of God by obeying the law, said Paul, I would have been the greatest in the kingdom. But righteousness by personal effort can only lead to failure. Man can be accepted as righteous only through God’s undeserved mercy. That is grace. And grace always arises from the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Hmm, so perhaps a middle ground?

Many Christians thought Paul was impossibly optimistic. They were deeply troubled by the decline in Christian morality they felt sure would come in the gentile churches. If you teach justification by faith alone, they argued, people will imagine that once they have accepted Christ by faith it does not really matter how they live.

Again, this is too much either-or thinking. This is exactly what punitive parents say about grace-based discipline. “If you show grace, then people won’t behave appropriately.” Obviously God didn’t feel that way! I almost feel like Bruce Shelley is missing that you don’t have to say that the law was done away with in order to say that we are saved by grace. As I’ve heard it said before, I believe that people who are growing in Christ become more Torah observant whether they know it or not. The spirit of the Torah is all about grace, all about love, and a privelege, not a duty! As Crystal Lutton said – “To the Jewish mind the Torah isn’t restrictions, it’s guidelines, boundaries, the way to be holy in an unholy world!” And I think Shelley is missing that.

On the contrary, said Paul, if they really have accepted Christ by faith, then they have accepted the way of Christ and the mind of Christ. The man who really loves God can do as he chooses, for if he really loves God he will choose to do the will of God.

As my friend said

Paul rebukes the Judaizers. They taught that Gentiles could not be saved UNTIL they became Jewish converts and were part of God’s chosen people. Peter and Paul both experienced God making himself available to Gentiles while they were still Gentiles. Pre-Cross there were Jews, there were converts, and there were God-fearers who lived according to Torah without actually converting. Cornelius was a God-fearer The Jews taught that if they were Torah observant they’d get in to heaven, but they were not allowed to be part of the community in this world. This is what the Judaizers were mixing up. They wanted the Gentiles to be part of the community of faith so they thought they had to BE Jews first. Paul and Peter taught that the Gospel was now for the God-fearer too–that conversion to Judaism was not necessary!

BUT they NEVER taught that what was part of Torah was unimportant or not for the Gentiles too. When I studied the letter from the Council of Jerusalem I found a little gem in the discussion  They were talking about what to require of the Gentile in order to *become* part of the community of faith and they settled on the four things. Interestingly, I did a little study into the elements of the pagan communion and it was highlighted by these four things So they had to *abandon* being pagan Then James, I think it was, says, “The rest has been taught in the Synagogues since the time of Moses.” Remember that at this time “The Way” as it was called was a sect of Judaism and they were meeting both in the Synagogues AND in home churches of only believers. (I also believe that the purpose for women being told to stay silent “In Synagogue” was because the non-Christian/Jewish women were not allowed to speak and this was giving them a bad name!). But the new believers were going to learn everything else in time and that was enough according to the Council at Jerusalem.

The ironic thing is, once you actually go and read what is part of Torah, and start talking about the Spirit of it, most people ONLY come back with, “I do all those things already. Just don’t think I could give up pork and lobster” And, tbh, I do believe that the dietary laws are not in effect for cleanliness (though NOT based on Peter’s dream!!!) but I believe everything in Torah to be Wisdom and part of God’s standard and when I studied pork and lobster I realized I didn’t *want* to eat them

I’ve been in the midst of a fascinating discussion with some of my friends on whether or not we have “two natures.” Once we have become a new creation in Christ, are we still naturally inclined to sin? I feel like Shelley is dancing around this topic.

For fellow GCMers, if you haven’t seen the discussion that I’m referring to above, I can send you a link ;)

Church History – Why don’t we know?

I am once again reading Church History in Plain Language by Bruce Shelley. This is actually my second time through it, but this time I am taking notes and really studying it rather than just pleasure reading.

This re-reading has really reminded me of how frustrated I am that we, as a Christian community, don’t know our roots. There is this ridiculous gap between the early church and the Reformation, and it seems like much of it is just skipped over or ignored. It drives me a bit batty.

As I was reading today about the early church and how much Christian life stood out compared to pagan lives. This has given me a lot of food for thought. I had already been thinking about this after a recent discussion on standing out in the world. I think we really miss how big of a deal it was to be a Christian in the Roman empire. We are spoiled today. As Tertullian put it in Apology, “We have the reputation of living aloof from the crowds.” Is that really true anymore? Somewhere between 77% and 86% in America consider themselves Christians. Riiiight. We’re really living aloof from the crowds. :/
Shelley discusses it as such

The word used to describe the Christian in the New Testament is highly significant. It is the term hagios, often translated “saints.” It means holy ones, but its root suggests different. So a holy thing is different from other things. The temple is holy because it is different from other buildings; the Sabbath day is holy because it is different from other days. The Christian, therefore, is a person who is fundamentally different.

I’ve been thinking about this ever since I read it. It seems like modern Christianity doesn’t really embrace this line of thinking except to condemn those outside of the church. We point out others differences rather than being different within ourselves.

Fundamental to the Christian life-style and cause of endless hostility was the Christian’s rejection of the pagan gods. The Greeks and Romans had deities for every aspect of living–for sowing and reaping, for rain and wind, for volcanoes and rivers, for birth and death. But to Christians these gods were nothing, and their denial of them marked the followers of Jesus as “enemies of the human race.”

So to be a Christian meant that you could very well be rejecting part of every aspect of life. That’s tough.

One simply could not reject the gods without arousing scorn as a social misfit. For the pagan every meal began with a liquid offering and a prayer to the pagan gods. A Christian could not share in that. Most heathen feasts and social parties were held in the precincts of a temple after sacrifice has been made, and the invitation was usually to dine “at the table” of some god. A Christian could not go to such a feast. Inevitably, when he refused the invitation to some social occasion, the Christian seemed rude, boorish, and discourteous.

I wish I had read this back in high school. I think I would’ve felt a little better about blowing off parties. :/

The Christian fear of idolatry also led to difficulties in making a living. A mason might be involved in building the walls of a heathen temple, a tailor in making robes for a heathen priest, an incense-maker in making incense for the heathen sacrifices. Tertullian even forbade a Christian to be a schoolteacher, because such teaching involved using textbooks that told the ancient stories of the gods and called for observing the religious festivals of the pagan year.

Yet another reason to homeschool ;)

We might think that working with the sick would be a simple act of kindness. But even here early Christians found the pagan hospitals under the protection of the heathen god Aesculapius, and while a sick friend lay in his bed, the priest went down the aisle chanting to the god.

In short, the early Christian was almost bound to divorce himself from the social and economic life of his time–if he wanted to be true to his Lord. This meant that everywhere the Christian turned his life and faith were on display because the gospel introduced a revolutionary new attitude toward human life. It could be seen in Christian views of slaves, children, and sex.

Can you imagine if we lived that way today? Its not like our current culture is so wonderful and “Christian” that we should be embracing it. I think that many of us have come to take our faith as just something to be weaved into the rest of life, rather than a new frame for our entire life.
I have tons more that I want to write from the early chapters of this book, but this will do for now :D

Romancing Your Husband

A few years ago, my mother-in-law gave me this book and deeply encouraged me to read it. I was a bit |-| because, hel-lo, I was a newlywed and plenty of romancin’ was going on PAs I was listing some old books on paperbackswap, I came across this one. I thought I’d give it a chance and read it. Here’s my early thoughts.

Why is it that so many (Christian) marriage books attempt to boost the marriage at the expense of the family? This drives me nuts!!! I realize that my MIL doesn’t have any kids around the house, so she probably didn’t think about this. Consider this quote from Chapter 1. Here she talks about how she planned for a getaway to a bed and breakfast with her husband and how she managed to get her kids to a friend’s house so they could get away.

This doesn’t sound like much, but we had adopted our Vietnamese daugher, who was two at the time, and had only had her about six months. Pulling her from the orphanage deeply disturbed her and she screamed for almost two years after we got her. The whole time I was preparing to leave, Brooke was following me around the house, screaming as if she were being attacked.

Come, let us reason together. WHY WOULD YOU ABANDON A SCREAMING CHILD WHO OBVIOUSLY HAD SOME KIND OF ATTACHMENT DISORDER SO THAT YOU COULD GO WALK AROUND NAKED AT A BED AND BREAKFAST?!?! (The naked part is later discussed.) Couldn’t she have romanced him in a less traumatic way for her new daughter? Couldn’t a solution have been found where no one had to suffer? Why does it have to either be the marriage or the whole family unit? This all-or-nothing thinking seems common in this book, and its driving me a bit batty.

Our lives are full of seasons. I am not currently in the naked-at-the-Victorian-bed-and-breakfast season. Is that so hard for people to accept? The above scenario was the ONLY suggestion for romancing your husband.

[Sigh] I hope it gets better.

A vision for our homes

I want my home to be a laboratory of life, a place where my children and husband may flourish and feel loved, encouraged, spiritually refreshed, and emotionally prepared to face the work God has for them in life. I want it to be a place where they can learn in safety yet be challenged to grow.

Isn’t that an awesome quote?

Yesterday I was reading and thinking, and this quote just jumped off of the page. This is exactly what I want for my family. What a beautiful vision!

I also want my home to be the best place to be in the minds of my family. Peace and acceptance, excellence and a passion for living, comfort and funn–I want all these qualities to come to my children’s minds when they think about home. If I can succeed in creating a nurturing environment that speaks peace to their souls even as it helps them grow, I will feel that I have done my job as keeper of my domain.

::nodding emphatically::

…Chores are done the same way each day, week, and month of the year so that our children know what to do and when. Each child has a part of the kitchen to do… Whoever cooks does not have to spend time cleaning the kitchen. Rooms are to be picked up at a certain time before dinner… My sons will definitely know how to be a help to their wives because home maintenance was a routine part of their daily lives

See, this is a big part of why I love this book. It talks about all of the weys to create the “traditional” comforts of a home, and yet it is not sexist at all. It treats all children equal when it comes to responsibility. Girls learn to think and boys learn to clean up after themselves. One is not at home cleaning up while the other one gets to explore. Go figure!

Earlier today I was researching a curriculum that someone had mentioned, and these were the skills taught for the boys and girls. Note that the boys get to learn leadership skills, literature, public speaking skills and “knowledge” while the girls get to do basketweaving. Yay!

For the boys:

BIBLICAL MANHOOD 16

Bible Memory 17
Bible Reading 20
Personal Journal 24
Prayer Warrior 25
Proverbs Study for Boys 27

FIELD AND FOREST 42

Archery 43
Birds 48
Butterflies 51
Camping 55
Ecology 60
Horses 63
Insects 66
Outdoor Life 71
Plants 76
Pocketknife 82
Trees 84
Wildlife 88

KNOWLEDGE AND SKILLS 93

Astronomy 94
Chess 99
Computers 102
Drawing .106
Electricity 110
Finances 115
Fire Safety 118
First Aid 121
Foreign Language 123
Gardening 125
Genealogy 132
Health and Fitness 136
Home Care 141
Hygiene 144
Kites 148
Knots 155
Leatherworking 167
Models .174
Oil Painting 178
Pets 182
Photography 185
Poetry 188
Rocketry 192
Rocks and Minerals 198
Sign Language 203
Small Engine Repair 205
Stamp Collecting 208
Tools 212
Typing 224
Watercolors 226
Weather 228
Woodburning 233
Woodcarving 236
Woodworking 243

LEADERSHIP 247

Biography 248
Library 254
Literature 257
Music 260
Organization 264
Propriety 265
Public Speaking 267
Scheduling 269
Scholarship 274
Stewardship 277
Storytelling 282
Teaching 284
Writing 286

OTHERS 291

Bus Worker 292
Church 294
Family 297
Friends 303
Grandparents 307
Great Commission 310
Letters 311
Love 315
Missionary 320
Neighbor 322
Others 325
Rest Home 327
Special Needs 329
Widows 333

RECREATIONAL ACTIVITIES 335

Badminton 336
Bicycle 338
Croquet 342
Fishing 344
Golf 347
Hiking 350
Ice Skating 354
Swimming 357
Table Tennis 356
Tennis 357
Volleyball 359

and the full girls’ list

General Information

Purpose, Goal, Verse, Prayer 12
Keepers at Home Theme Song 13
Achievement Awards 14
Biblical Girlhood 16
Bible Memory 17
Bible Reading 20
Personal Journal 24
Prayer Warrior 25

Creative Skills 27

Basketweaving 29
Calligraphy 33
Candlemaking 36
Candlewicking .43
Ceramics 47
Counted Cross Stitch .49
Crewel Embroidery 53
Crochet 56
Decoupage 58
Dollmaking 60
Drawing 63
Embossing 67
Embroidery 71
Flower Arrangement 75
Knitting 78
Latch Hooking 82
Macrame 84
Miniatures 91
Needlepoint 92
Oil Painting 96
Photography 100
Plastic Canvas 103
Pressed Flowers 106
Quilling 110
Quilting 115
Rubber Stamping 120
Scrapbooking 124
Spinning 127
Stenciling 130
Tatting 133
Tole Painting 136
Watercolors 140
Weaving 142
Homemaking 147
Baking 148
Budgeting 150
Cake Decorating 153
Camping 155
Cleaning 157
Cooking 160
Fire Safety 166
First Aid 169
Food Preservation 171
Gardening 175
Health and Fitness 182
Home Decorating 187
Hygiene 189
Ironing 193
Laundry 194
Organization 196
Proverbs 31 Study for Girls 199
Scheduling 209
Sewing 214
Soapmaking 216
Knowledge and Skills 220
Biography 221
Computer. 227
Foreign Language 230
Genealogy 232
Library 236
Literature 239
Music 242
Poetry 244
Sign Language 248
Storytelling 250
Teaching 252
Typing 254
Writing 256
Nature 260
Birds 261
Butterflies 264
Flowers 268
Horses 270
Insects 273
Pets 278
Trees 281
Wildflowers 285
Others 287
Bus Worker 288
Child Care 290
Church 292
Ecology 295
Etiquette 298
Family 300
Friends 306
Grandparents 310
Hospitality 313
Letters 316
Love 320
Missionary 325
Neighbor 327
Others 330
Rest Home 332
Special Needs 334
Witnessing 338

Recreational Activities 339

Badminton 340
Bicycle 342
Croquet 346
Hiking 348
Ice Skating 352
Swimming 353
Table Tennis 354
Tennis 355
Volleyball 357

Does God punish us?

Joe and I had the most amazing conversation last night about God’s character and how that translates into our marriage and our parenting. I’m hoping to do a couple of blog series on the stuff that we discussed because it was really awesome.

The conversation started with a discussion of God’s character and whether or not God punishes us. The way that you answer this question not only changes the way that you look at God, but also the way you relate to Him, the way you talk to yourself and respond when you sin, and the way you respond to others when they sin. This is such an important topic, and its one that Christians are really wishy washy on…

I believe we sometimes experience consequences of our sin, however I do not believe that God punishes us, especially after we repent and ask for forgiveness. When we are forgiven it is complete. There may be consequences that happen from our sin, but I do not believe that God actively punishes us.

Hebrews 8:12For I will forgive their wickedness
and will remember their sins no more.

Hebrews 10:15The Holy Spirit also testifies to us about this. First he says:
16″This is the covenant I will make with them
after that time, says the Lord.
I will put my laws in their hearts,
and I will write them on their minds.”[b] 17Then he adds:
“Their sins and lawless acts
I will remember no more.”[c] 18And where these have been forgiven, there is no longer any sacrifice for sin.

Proverbs 28:13 He who conceals his sins does not prosper,
but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

1 John 1:9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

God teaches us by grace. He gives us grace and we respond. When we repent, we are forgiven.

I think of how this applies in my life and how I often choose not to follow in God’s pattern. If I sin, I often want to do to myself what Satan would like for us to do: to isolate, tell myself that I am not worthy of love, and to hide in shame. I am basically putting myself in time out. I withdraw myself from those who love me and tell myself how terrible I am. This is not how God handles us at all! When we sin, we are supposed to do just the opposite. We should confess and be healed!

James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.

The Christian community almost encourages outward “sinlessness” above heart change. I think that many of our marriage and parenting methodologies try to make everything pretty on the outside, and yet never address the heart.

If I raise children that act perfect on the outside, but don’t have it in their heart, then I have failed! Why does the evangelical community (and our curriculums in particular) keep missing this fact?

The focus on outward appearances has made generation after generation of Christians who do not want to admit their sin and who try to act as if they are perfect. We try to push this perfection on others. The problem is that it is superficial. It is not true. How much better off would the Christian community be if it were filled with believers who admitted their mistakes, tried to be better, and lived in grace?

So why is it that we model to our children and to each other a completely different gospel? Why do we continue to punish ourselves, each other, and our children when that is not the way that God teaches us?

I think that a lot of us are in fear that if our spouse, our friends, or our children are not “punished” when they admit sin to us, then they will have “gotten away” with what they did wrong. I am guilty of fearing this. The fact remains that this is NOT how God teaches us though. He does not make us pay when we confess our sin. He shows us grace.

I’m off to think some more. Please feel free to share any thoughts )

So who is getting crazier…. me or the church?

Yesterday I was venting to Candice on our way home from the mall, and she suggested that this would be a good blog topic.

I have always been a bit out of the mainstream. I was big into the punk scene, which is obviously not mainstream, and yet I am a Christian, which is not common for punks, and I’m an AP, non-spanking parent who believes that women are not inferior to men, and that’s not popular in many conservative Christian circles…. you get the point.

So even though I’ve always had my own little rhythm, I have still felt like I fit in with most Protestants on social issues.

Now I’m realizing that I have diverged somewhere. Its not that I disagree with Protestantism, but there’s so many places where the Evangelical movement is going in a direction that I don’t really like. I don’t believe that my beliefs go against Protestants/Evangelicals. I do believe however that I believe things that go against the pop culture of Protestantism.

So what is going on? Did the church always believe in all women being submissive to all men? Did the church always endorse spanking as the “Godly” way to discipline? Has the church always relied so much on pop-culture books, methods, and church strategies (like the Purpose Driven Life) while watering down or avoiding the Word of God?

So many Christians are getting sucked into the Protestant-ese that is based largely on worldly beliefs and systems, and somehow this is becoming the mainstream. I feel like it is hard to even debate scripture vs. scripture, because everyone has to quote the popular men of Protestantism.

I hope to have time to expound on my beliefs a bit more, but I just wonder if anyone else is bothered by this pop culture or if anyone welcomes it? I know that some good has come out of it, so don’t get me wrong, but I feel like we often listen to the “experts” more than we pray, study, and rely on God.

The value of dialogue

Last night my friend and I attended a community dialogue on the media and our children. I don’t think we were really the “target audience”, since they told us a bunch of stuff we already know (there are pervs on myspace, virtual pimps in video games, and sad lyrics in songs). Still, I learned something from the lecture, so I’m pleased.

I’ve always known that I liked the way that my parents approached the media and our choices, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was that was so great about it. I think I understand a little better now.

One of the books that was mentioned last night was Reel Sprituality. I am not endorsing it, since I haven’t read it, but there was one section that I liked. They talked about the different ways that the church reacts to films, ranging from avoidance to divine encounter. In between these 2 extremes were caution, dialogue, and appropriation, respectively. There are times where you will choose all (or most) of the options on this scale, but the goal for most of the time is “dialogue”. As you dialogue with both yourself and your family about the media, you would ask probing questions like “Why do I like this?”, “How do I relate?”, “What is the artist trying to tell me?”, etc.

My parents did an excellent job with this. We watched shows that a lot of other kids weren’t allowed to watch, and then our family would discuss them. It wasn’t necessarily a formal discussion, but it was brought up and probed when there were deeper issues that my parents wanted to discuss. My husband’s family was the opposite. He wasn’t allowed to watch the Simpsons, Married With Children, or any of the other popular shows back then. By the time we met in college, we were both huge fans of the Simpsons, so obviously his parents plan didn’t exactly work out ;)

The thing is, whether you avoid everything or avoid nothing, you’re still going to end up with kids who need to make decisions for themselves once they get out in the world. They’ll have to decide what to avoid, what to watch, and how they will respond to it when they see it. If we don’t prepare them for that, then we are doing them a huge disservice.

I had kind of been slipping into more of an “avoidance” standpoint, even though I knew that it wasn’t where I ultimately wanted to go, so I’m glad that I was able to discuss and learn some more last night. I feel slightly better equipped to make decisions for our family, and my husband and I talked about it a lot last night, which was nice. )

If you’ve read the book, or anything else on this topic, then I’d love to get a full review!

Prayer journals and quiet time

I want to take a break from the parenting issues for a while and blog about prayer journals. Prayer journals have been a source of such growth for me throughout my walk, and I want to write a few brief blogs on the different methods that I have used and the ways that I have altered them.

I use my prayer journals as a resource for me, not something that I need to do for God to answer my prayers. I think that is an important distinction. My journals provide me with a way to look back at what God has done, where I have been, and a way to remind me of what I need to continue to pray for. I do not think in any way that they are required or even necessarily best for all people.

On with the first review:

As with all non-parenting books, I want to add my disclaimer that just because I write about an author’s book, that does not mean that their parenting goods are worth their weight in salt ;)

OK, method #1 – Emilie Barnes More Hours In My Day

I read this book soon after my first child was born. I was looking to be more organized, and my mother-in-law had handed this book down to me. I can’t seem to find it now, so I haven’t perused through whether or not she goes off the deep end in other areas, but I used her prayer journalling method for a while, so I can comment on that )

Emilie’s plan seemed to me more of a way of organizing your space and organizing your requests (in a checklist style). This is the simplest form of prayer journaling, I believe. It is not a full text word-for-word copy of your prayers in print form; It is an outline of the things that you have prayed for and the things that you need to remember to pray for.

From her site, she has these tips, which I will expound on

Tips for Organizing Your Quiet Time:

► Make your own prayer basket.

► Find an accountability partner who will pray with you and for you as you strive to make your quiet time a reality.

► Set aside a special place for your quiet time and have your prayer basket waiting.

Emilie detailed her “prayer basket” and this was an idea that I really liked. The general idea is that you take a pretty little basket (I used a wicker one from Michael’s Crafts), and then you fill it with all of the things that you need for your quiet time. Mine had my Bible, my prayer journal, pens, cards and envelopes for writing notes to people if I prayed for them, stamps for the same, and a short devotional book. This basket made it so that my quiet time gear was always available. Four years later, I still have the basket in my formal living room and I use it now for all of my reading, not just Bible study time. I think it is an excellent idea.

Next she talks about ways to organize your prayer journal. She suggested that you have a page for each subject and each page is assigned to a day. For example, Mondays you would pray for yourself, Tuesdays you pray for family, Wednesdays you pray for the church, Thursdays you pray for government, etc, etc. While I liked the idea of not having to pray for everything everyday, I really couldn’t bring myself to implement this part of her journal for any extended amount of time. If my son fell ill, I didn’t want to wait until the next Tuesday to pray, y’know? There are some things that I need to take to God daily, especially my struggles, and I couldn’t put those on the back burner. Its definitely a time saver and far better than not praying at all, but still… not for me.

In order to make her pages work better for me, I chose to pray for my daily stuff no matter what. This included issues that I was facing that day, struggles, illnesses, requests that were urgent that someone shared with me, and anything else that couldn’t wait. For more long-term things and requests that were more general in nature, like praying for the president, non-urgent prayers for my friends (for their lives, work, family…), or long-term prayers, I would still put them on the category pages. Then each day I’d pray the urgent daily prayers and then I’d also pray from the category for the day. The categories were nice reminders and it allowed me more flexibility than I felt her original plan offered.

I sort of mentioned it above, but Emilie also suggests keeping cards, envelopes, and stamps around so that you can send little notes of encouragement and prayer to those who are on your heart each day. I love this idea. I am not a natural card writer, but it was always such a nice feeling to mail out those cards and know that I could be an encouragement to other people. )

The punitive mindset

Although I have spent plenty of time trying to explain it, I still find that many of my friends (the non-GBD kind) don’t see how coming from a punitive mindset changes everything about their discipline, even if the actions that they take are very similar to those of us who practice grace-based discipline.

Last night I finished Crystal Lutton’s Biblical Parenting, and I felt that she concluded with a great discussion of this point. Here she is using the example of a teenager who is about to get her license.

A healthy boundary for a parent to set with regards to their vehicle is that no one without insurance may drive their car. Tell your daughter in advance, perhaps at a famliy meeting, what will happen if she doesn’t keep up the insurance payments. I suggest that she not be allowed to drive your car without insurance. If she misses a payment, take her license and keys. When she catches up on the premiums, return them. This is not punitive. It is logic an adolescent can follow, and it prevents the natural consequence of being in an accident without insurance or a ticket for the same, and your daughter knows the consequences beforehand. This same action would be punitive if done reactively. If you’ve never discussed what will happen if she doesn’t keep up the premiums, it’s punitive to enter her room and demand her keys. Everything within the window needs to be proactive, not reactive.

That makes perfect sense, right? The behavior of the parents can change whether their actions are punitive or not. Its not just what you do… its how you do it.

In the above quote, Crystal also references her “window” which I thought was a great visual for showing how we are to react to our children in a way that is neither permissive nor punitive. I wish she had it online (she may, but I can’t find it), because I’d love to discuss it, but it’d be hard without the pictures.

Now that I’m done with the book, let me say that I truly enjoyed it. I would love it if our small group could study it. My only comment/concern is that I honestly don’t know that many of the men of the group could handle it in Chapter 2 when Crystal says (in speaking of how gender roles and the role of community has changed)

Because of this ever-increasing reliance on a husband to help in parenting the baby and young child, men’s ideas on how to parent children of this age have become more pronounced and are often seen as the “expert” advice. However, it is the woman who has been designed and called by God to parent these young people and, while the help of a husband/father is vital in our culture today, the man would be wise to follow his wife’s lead during these early years.

I totally, absolutely, completely see where she’s coming from, but I know that the military men in our group would piss their pants when they read that. If it was later in the book, I think that we could have a great discussion, but I think that the fact that it is so close to the front means that they wouldn’t even go on. I am sure that was not her intention at all, and they’d see that if they kept reading, but I don’t think they’d ever touch the book again

I’m hoping that our current group book Families Where Grace Is In Place will be enough of a gateway that we could later do Crystal’s book D

Wicca’s Charm

In the future, I hope to write a critique of this work, but I think I’ll save that until I’m done ) I think I see some weaknesses and flaws in the author’s writing, but she may very well prove my wrong by the end.

I am in a book group that my friend, Candice leads. The group is sponsored (is that the right word?) by CBE aka “Christians for Biblical Equality”. This month’s selection is Wicca’s Charm by Catherine Edwards Sanders. I was really drawn to the concept of this book. In both my bellydancing and my college classes, I have noticed that practicing Wiccans / witches are becoming more common, or at least more vocal. I am very intrigued by what I see happening around me.

As I’ve started reading, I think I’ve pinpointed that part of my intrigue is based on the fact that I think that I would be very drawn to Wicca if I were not more secure in my faith. In general, Wicca empowers women, embraces environmental causes, and aligns more with where I stand on social issues (compared to the traditional church). I think that there is a HUGE group of women who are turned off by the church because they are demoted to being second-class citizens who can’t fully participate. They can’t lead, they can’t teach (except to children), they often can’t even vote. Its no wonder that women would be drawn to a religion where they would be both welcomed and honored. It sounds kind of nice, actually P

Ms. Sanders addresses this same facet in her preface and then goes on to talk about how much Christians were turned off when they heard that she was writing a book on Wicca. She goes on to say:

Despite these varied reactions, I took comfort in the story of the apostle Paul at Mars Hill in Athens in ancient Greece. He waded into the pool of pagan thought and religion. And he spent time there. He complimented the religious zeal of the pagan Athenians as he walked by their temples and idols. He knew their literature. His words and actions were so intriguing to the pagan Greeks that they invited him to speak at Mars Hill, a place of honor where new ideas were exchanged and challenged. Paul knew Greek literature so well that he quoted a line from their own pagan poets to explain the gospel. The line that Christians know–”In him we live and move and have our being” (Acts 17:28)–is straight from the mouth of the pagan poet Epimenides who lived in Crete in the sixth century BC. This would have been very familiar to Paul’s audience.
This scriptural account of Paul in Athens enables us to freely embrace truth in any form, wherever it is found. Paul’s precedent of quoting pagan poets empowers Christians to do the same and indicates that morsels of truth and insights from general revelation can be found in non-Christian sources. If you were to follow Paul’s approach when talking with a Pagan teen today, for example, you might quote a line from the well-known neo-Pagan Wiccan writer Starhawk. But it takes time to read Starhawk’s The Spiral Dance and see how her yearnings can be met by a relationship with Christ. How astonishing that seems: An ancient equivalent of Starhawk was quoted in the Bible!

I didn’t realize that about Paul, but I looked it up, and sure enough, Wikipedia confirms:

Epimenides’ poem Cretica is quoted twice in the New Testament. In the poem, Minos addresses Zeus thus:

They fashioned a tomb for thee, O holy and high one—
The Cretans, always liars, evil beasts, idle bellies!
But thou art not dead: thou livest and abidest forever,
For in thee we live and move and have our being.

The “lie” of the Cretans is that Zeus was mortal; Epimenides considered Zeus immortal. The second line is quoted, with a veiled attribution (“a prophet of their own”), in the Epistle to Titus, chapter 1, verse 12, to warn Titus about the Cretans. “Cretans, always liars”, with the same theological intent as Epimenides, also appears in the Hymn to Zeus of Callimachus. The fourth line is quoted without attribution in the Acts of the Apostles, chapter 17, verse 28.

The “prophet” in Titus 1:12 is identified by Clement of Alexandria as Epimenides (Miscellanies, chapter 14). In this passage, Clement mentions that “some say” Epimenides should be counted among the seven wisest philosophers.

So that has given me something to think about )