A heartbeat
I had a wonderful appointment with my midwife today, and we heard my baby’s heartbeat. The kids were so excited. It was such a joyous moment. On the way home my son said “I like listening to the baby, mom.”
Me too. I like it a lot.
I was almost this far along when we lost our first baby. During all 3 pregnancies since the loss, I have become very nervous before hearing the heartbeat. For the past week or so I have felt like my general anxiety levels were much higher, although I couldn’t put my finger on it. After hearing the heartbeat, I realized that this fear was causing my stress. It melted away. Even though I know that I didn’t cause my miscarriage, it still haunts me in many ways, and I guess this is one of them.
So I am now letting myself plan for our new baby. I didn’t realize how much I was holding back until after I heard the heartbeat. Now it is really hitting me. There is so much to plan - so much to do. I almost feel like I am starting over. I keep remembering things I need: “Oh yeah, I need to grab the cloth diapers. Where are my newborn clothes? Do I still have a baby bath? Has my Lansinoh expired? …. ”
Last night I went to a water aerobics class for pregnant and postpartum women, and there was a lady in there who had just given birth 7 weeks ago. She was nervous and asking to borrow a cell phone because the baby was home with her husband. When I looked at her face, all of those “new mom” emotions flooded back to me. I can’t believe its all about to happen again.
Crazy.
April 18th, 2007 at 7:27 pm
Hip hip hooray for heartbeats!!! We had midwife appointments on the same day. I’d love to hear more about your midwife and the experience so far if you have a chance!