I had a wonderful appointment with my midwife today, and we heard my baby’s heartbeat. The kids were so excited. It was such a joyous moment. On the way home my son said “I like listening to the baby, mom.”
Me too. I like it a lot.
I was almost this far along when we lost our first baby. During all 3 pregnancies since the loss, I have become very nervous before hearing the heartbeat. For the past week or so I have felt like my general anxiety levels were much higher, although I couldn’t put my finger on it. After hearing the heartbeat, I realized that this fear was causing my stress. It melted away. Even though I know that I didn’t cause my miscarriage, it still haunts me in many ways, and I guess this is one of them.
So I am now letting myself plan for our new baby. I didn’t realize how much I was holding back until after I heard the heartbeat. Now it is really hitting me. There is so much to plan – so much to do. I almost feel like I am starting over. I keep remembering things I need: “Oh yeah, I need to grab the cloth diapers. Where are my newborn clothes? Do I still have a baby bath? Has my Lansinoh expired? …. ”
Last night I went to a water aerobics class for pregnant and postpartum women, and there was a lady in there who had just given birth 7 weeks ago. She was nervous and asking to borrow a cell phone because the baby was home with her husband. When I looked at her face, all of those “new mom” emotions flooded back to me. I can’t believe its all about to happen again.
Crazy.
Hip hip hooray for heartbeats!!! We had midwife appointments on the same day. I’d love to hear more about your midwife and the experience so far if you have a chance!