I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.
I believe that God puts certain desires in us that are neither good nor bad… they are just a part of who we are. They are the little quirks that make us special. We each learn the good and bad sides of them, and try to praise Him while using our special gifts.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve liked to stand out. As a matter of fact, my “area of giftedness”, which was diagnosed very early, includes the fact that I don’t like to do things the way everyone else does. I am far from uncomfortable if people are looking at me, or confused by me, or intrigued by me. I really love it, actually. In high school I was a bit of a freak. I just liked to be strange in dress, in actions, in beliefs… DH jokes that he didn’t realize what he was getting when we met in college, but there was no bait-and-switch here. I was the only punk, electric guitar playing, skateboarding, vegetarian, spiked hair, football loving, computer major around, lol.
Now as an adult, I still like to look different. I like to be different and make people think. We live a pretty typical (upper-?) middle-class kind of life. We parent differently though. We don’t really fit in completely with the secular world or with Christians.
I noticed today that I was getting frustrated about not finding a church that agrees with me. I’m not sure why I have been so bothered by this fact. The truth is that I think I’m probably pushing too hard and asking for something unreasonable. Are there really that many AP-friendly, egalitarian, not-too-liberal-but-not-too-conservative, free thinking, Biblically based, Jew-friendly, environmental, “buy local”, give-back-to-the-community, Protestant churches out there? Um, probably not.
I really feel like God has been nudging me to consider that I might need to go to a church that is not quite out-there, but not totally conservative, and just accept that this is another area where I am different. The things I disagree on are not essentials of the faith. Still I find it so hard to accept a church that disagrees about the way that I am a mother and a woman. Those do happen to be my two biggest roles, y’know?
For any other weirdos out there, how have you found a church to call home? Do you search until you find one that you completely agree with or do you try to go change one with beliefs that you think are inaccurate? Is there some third option? All of my spiritual gifts are ones that are traditionally masculine, so I want to lead. I want to teach. I want to make a difference. I can’t imagine anything else. It wouldn’t feel like I was an active member of the body if not.
Hmm, I guess I have a lot to think about. Why can’t there be a church of GCM? Crystal could be the pastor! Ahh, that sounds dreamy
Oh well.Â Have a great night, everyone