I am reading Turansky and Millers’ Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes in You and Your Kids right now for a reading group for homeschool moms that I joined, and I am really loving it so far.
I have heard them speak before, and I loved the points that they made about honor vs. respect, so I want to chat about them!
The Greek word often translated “respect” is phobos, from which we get the English word phobia. At its root, it means “to fear.” Respect is outward, focusing on a person’s position or the power of office. When only respect is emphasized in family life, it leads to outer conformity, false intimacy, and, eventually, distant relationships
Wow, how many times have I seen that? Families focus on respect, and they end up with behaviors that, at least for a time, look respectful, but then they turn sour as the true heart is revealed in time.
The Greek word that is often translated “honor” in the New Testament comes from timae which means “worth” or “value.” It’s one thing to respect (fear) God because of his tremendous power and greatness and another thing to honor (value) him because of those qualities.
They mention that both honor and respect have their place, but we need to remember that we are told in Romans 12:10 to “Honor one another above yourselves.” This means “treating people as special, doing more than what’s expected, and having a good attitude (definition also from Turansky and Miller).” If we are teaching our children to honor rather than just respect, then it will go to a deeper level than mere behavior modification. Instead we are teaching their hearts.
The goal of discipline is to help children not only act correctly, but also to think correctly and to become the people God made them to be. Honor addresses what’s going on below the surface and considers a child’s heart. When you teach children to change their hearts, you will see them make attitude adjustments, not just behavioral changes. You’ll get to the root of disobedience or immaturity, and you’ll help your children make lifelong changes.
I can’t wait to move on to the next chapter!
For today I am going to try to focus on honoring my husband and my children, and being a good model of honor. I can already tell that this is an area that will need a significant amount of work in my life… I’m looking forward to the journey.