A few years ago, my mother-in-law gave me this book and deeply encouraged me to read it. I was a bit because, hel-lo, I was a newlywed and plenty of romancin’ was going on As I was listing some old books on paperbackswap, I came across this one. I thought I’d give it a chance and read it. Here’s my early thoughts.
Why is it that so many (Christian) marriage books attempt to boost the marriage at the expense of the family? This drives me nuts!!! I realize that my MIL doesn’t have any kids around the house, so she probably didn’t think about this. Consider this quote from Chapter 1. Here she talks about how she planned for a getaway to a bed and breakfast with her husband and how she managed to get her kids to a friend’s house so they could get away.
This doesn’t sound like much, but we had adopted our Vietnamese daugher, who was two at the time, and had only had her about six months. Pulling her from the orphanage deeply disturbed her and she screamed for almost two years after we got her. The whole time I was preparing to leave, Brooke was following me around the house, screaming as if she were being attacked.
Come, let us reason together. WHY WOULD YOU ABANDON A SCREAMING CHILD WHO OBVIOUSLY HAD SOME KIND OF ATTACHMENT DISORDER SO THAT YOU COULD GO WALK AROUND NAKED AT A BED AND BREAKFAST?!?! (The naked part is later discussed.) Couldn’t she have romanced him in a less traumatic way for her new daughter? Couldn’t a solution have been found where no one had to suffer? Why does it have to either be the marriage or the whole family unit? This all-or-nothing thinking seems common in this book, and its driving me a bit batty.
Our lives are full of seasons. I am not currently in the naked-at-the-Victorian-bed-and-breakfast season. Is that so hard for people to accept? The above scenario was the ONLY suggestion for romancing your husband.
[Sigh] I hope it gets better.
I wrote about this today too. Not this book, but this idea of marriage first…children second…like they are less significant…an afterthought. I don’t understand it. It is sad.
Great minds think alike! I’m off to read your post 🙂
I just came upon this site by accident, but this particular post deals with a question where we are at now. My Husband and I have been actually thinking the opposite lately: How come so many parents are sacrificing their marriage for their children? We currently do not have children, but all of our friends do. We see how they seem to be ruled by their children and then hope one “date night” a month or week will make everything alright in their marriage.