The Servant Mother
In Chapter 4 of The Mission of Motherhood, Sally Clarkson explores the idea of a “Servant Mother”. I find this to be a very controversial subject, and I’m really impressed that she took it on.
Last week I was listening to the Natural Moms Talk Radio podcast and Kelly Nault was on the program. Ms. Nault wrote the book When You’re About to Go Off the Deep End, Don’t Take Your Kids With You. I haven’t read the book, but I really enjoyed the podcast. In there they discussed a lot of great things, including the Continuum Concept, which I’m always happy to hear discussed 
One thing that I was thinking about during the podcast was Ms. Nault talking about how moms need to take time for themselves. I totally agree. I think that so many moms are already at their wits ends, and then they have nothing left to give to their children. Ms. Nault had three steps towards being a better mom, and taking care of yourself was first and the last one was to take time for spiritual matters. I thought these were a bit backwards, but whatever…
I think that in this chapter Sally Clarkson does an excellent job of hitting the balance point between selfishness and running yourself ragged… and yet at the same time telling you to give yourself as Christ gave. Yes, we have to be full, but that can be taken too far. Allow me to share some quotes…
…children, by definition, take up our time. They’re supposed to do that; it’s the way God made them. But if we don’t recognize or accept that fact…as many mothers today don’t–we’re bound to make things difficult for ourselves and our children.
In my own life, I have noticed that the times that I get frustrated are the times where I’m trying to do too much and I am expecting no one to get in my way. That’s simply not realistic.
I had years of time as a single woman when I was ruler over most of my minutes. I decided when I would eat, sleep, vacation, work, or meet someone for lunch. I decided these issues according to my needs and desires.
But once I had my children, as any mother will understand, my time was never my own again! Children simply don’t fit into neat little time packages.
I can admit that there have been times when I’ve looked back fondly on the days when I could sleep in, go to lunch, or stay up late without fear of someone waking me up just minutes after I finally went to bed. I think its good to understand and expect that this is the way that God made children, and its not something to resent them for. We all needed it as children.
When we realize and accept that serving our children means giving them whatever time they need, whenever they need it, we will be far less likely to fall into… bitterness and resentment…
Exactly.
I regret the time I wasted in the early years of my children’s lives because I didn’t have a realistic understanding of what motherhood would cost me in the regard. I did enjoy being with them– usually. But I also tended to chafe at the demands these little ones made on my time and energy. I would become irritated or frazzled by their whining or clinging to me or crying.
She goes on to talk about how the life of a SAHM is filled with repetitive tasks that are constantly being undone. Kids always need you and if you don’t expect that, you will get upset. She says that this struggle between selfishness and selflessness is a normal battle, but its one that often makes us feel riddled with guilt.
I can’t even express how wonderful it is to read words from a mother who has already been through this phase in her life. Its so nice to be able to learn from her wisdom. She shares her experience when she has her last child six years after her next to last, so she had time to learn these things
I had lived through the early youth of my other three children and had seen that they really did grow up quickly. Finally, by experience, I understood that the dependent stage of early childhood was only for a season. I could see how important it was to enjoy each day and treasure these moments of early life with my children, because the years did pass quickly.
I am so grateful to learn from her experience and for this reminder.
As she wraps up the chapter, she gives some more practical applications for being a servant mother.
We mothers need to recognize what a powerful effect our attitude has on our children. Laying down our lives for them can indeed mean giving up, for their sakes, our right to wallow in our negative feelings. And choosing the path of servant leadership certainly means making the effort to respond in faith to our circumstances and our feelings, turning to the Lord for help in maintaining a hopeful attitude. The beauty of such an effort, of course, is that it has the power to lift us up even as it sustains our children’s spirits.
I read this last night, and it inspired me to set my alarm and get up early this morning. I cleaned the house before bed and set out my clothes for the day. I woke up expecting to wake up (rather than grumbling and surprised that it was already morning), and it has already made such a huge difference. My area of selfishness is definitely sleep. Well… sleep and computer time 
The time that I get frustrated on the computer is if I’m trying to do work or school and I am unable to concentrate. I don’t take it out on my kids, but I know that they sense my stress. I should devote my time to them during the day and do my work/school at night or in the mornings before they’re up and moving around. Anyways, I’ve learned a lot from this chapter, and I look forward to applying it