I came to a disturbing revelation today.
I was a queen bee.
As I was browsing through the library, I saw a copy of Rosalind Wiseman’s Queen Bees and Wannabes, which made me very excited, because I’ve been wanting to read it for years. I remember when she was first on the Oprah show, and I was completely fascinated. I couldn’t wait to read the book and hate all of the Queen Bees.
Then once I started reading, I realized that my school life was split right down the middle. From 3rd until 7th grade, I attended a small private school. We moved in 8th grade, and I went to public school from then until I was done with high school.
In high school I was definitely not a Queen Bee. Our school was far too big to contain just one Queen Bee anyways. After reading all of Ms. Wiseman’s classifications, I think I was a “Floater” in high school. I had a lot of friends, including popular friends, but I was neither here nor there. I think I fit her description of
You can usually spot this girl because she doesn’t associate with only one clique. She has friends in different groups and can move freely among them.
She goes on to describe the floater as being nothing extraordinary… not the prettiest, but pretty; not the smartest, but smart… I definitely wasn’t a “target”, wasn’t under a Queen Bee, and wasn’t a “wannabe” (since I can’t even figure out who the Queen Bee was in our school), so “Floater” makes the most sense.
So then the disturbing part came for me. I was still trying to figure out where I fit in middle school. I was reading the Queen Bee description, and thinking how she sounded like a royal *****. Then I realized how much of it was me.
- Her friends do what she wants to do
- She isn’t intimidated by any other girl in her class
- You have to convince her to invite everyone to her birthday party
- She can argue anyone down, including friends, peers, teachers, and parents
- She can make another girl feel “anointed” by declaring her a special friend
- She won’t (or is very reluctant to) take responsibility when she hurts someone’s feelings
- If she thinks she’s been wronged, she feels she has the right to seek revenge
I feel like such an ass. How did I not realize this? As soon as I thought about it, a million things flooded back that proved this – things that I’d be embarassed to share. I am certainly not this way anymore, but this is a short list of things that I have had to work on in my life. These were the main issues that even plagued my relationships with men when I was younger – especially the part about not wanting to take responsibility when hurting someone.
Then I flipped back to where Ms. Wiseman says when speaking of the Queen Bee claiming that she is in a clique, but it is not mean
…she honestly believes what she’s saying…
So I did the only logical thing: I called people who knew me back then. Guess what they said when I asked them what I was… Yep, a Queen Bee.
I guess I can be thankful that I was knocked off of that rank when I was young. At least I wasn’t that way all the way through. Queen Bees can change, right?
So have any of you read the book? If so, what role did you fall into? Was it the same all the way through?
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