Do you ever get a feeling like God is trying to teach you a lesson that you don’t neccessarily want to learn? That’s how I feel right now.
It seems like I’ve heard a lot of sermons and read a lot of Bible studies recently about the fact that suffering and blessing are very interrelated. For example, Mary received an amazing blessing by being the mother of Christ, yet she also had to deal with incredible pain. I can’t imagine how it’d feel if everyone hated your son and then murdered him. How painful! How horrible! Yet she was blessed. This was something that had to go along with the blessing of being the mother of Christ.
I get uneasy as I realize that this message seems to be coming at me from every angle. Is God trying to prepare me for something? I really wish that I was at a point to say “Bring on the pain! I want you to bless me and use me in any way possible!”, but my fraidy-cat heart is saying more like “God… I’m scared. I’m scared of pain and I kind of want to take the path of least resistance.” Its horrible. I know its horrible.
The only good thing about it is that it kind of makes me look forward to heaven where we won’t have suffering. Maybe this is how God is answering my prayers about my previous post (fear of death).
Sheesh. He never answers prayers the way that I would. Praise God for that though, because I would be a really sucky God.
