I swear, I have been confusing myself left and right recently!
Todays confusion is over birth control. Fun topic, eh? Anyways, I feel completely confused and torn. I feel bad about any kind of birth control, aside from NFP, and yet I also don’t feel super comfortable about getting pregnant. My pregnancies were all so challenging in their own ways. Obviously, the first baby that we lost didn’t go so great. M’s pregnancy ended with me on bedrest, then with a fully medicated birth, then heart issues for both of us during my labor, etc, etc. With J I had a placental abruption on top of the other issues I always have… I just don’t feel super confident that pregnancy is safe. I lose so much weight from being sick. My iron levels get so low that I can’t even clot after they draw blood. Its just terrible. Still, I kind of long to have a baby again. This is about how old M was when I got pregnant with J…
We switched our insurance when I had my IUD so that we would save $900 a month by dropping our maternity coverage. Since it was expelled during my first real pp cycle, now I’m feeling like a real dunce for taking that risk. What would I do without maternity coverage?!?!?! I can’t even imagine.
So, I’m confused.
Then, yesterday I realized that many of my actions make no sense. For example, I love having a clean, organized house, yet sometimes I’ll take a shirt off of its coat -hanger and then just drop the hanger on the floor. That’s ridiculous. Why do I do that kind of stuff? Why in the world would I do something so contrary to what I like?
I don’t know. I make no sense