I just started Cynthia Heald’s book “Becoming a Woman of Freedom” and part of it asks you to journal out your thoughts to answers at the end of each chapter, so I think I’m going to blog them. I’m really looking forward to the rest of this study!
Questions for today:
In what areas do you long to be free?
How would your life be different if you were able to experience God’s freedom in these areas?
Hebrews 12:1 – “Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us”
In my life, I have truly come to the point where I want to experience full freedom in my fears and insecurities. I often let a fear that something bad will happen drown out the possibilities for good things. I am not doing a good job of trusting in God that He will take care of me, and I also don’t trust that I’ll be able to survive if I experience something terrible. I long to have a full trust in God. (As I type this, I fear that He’ll make something terrible happen to me so that I learn to trust Him and myself through the bad times)
I also want freedom from my selfish desires. I know that everyone tells me that I am a very giving, compassionate, selfless person, but I really feel like I choose myself over others SO MANY times during each day. I feel like my selfishness is intertwined with laziness, because I am often choosing to NOT do something just because I don’t feel like it, and as a result I am acting both lazy and selfish.
If I were able to experience God’s freedom in these areas, then I think I’d be free to focus on God’s purpose for my life and I could move ahead in my life without caution or mistrust in where God is leading me. I’d be able to live each day to the fullest and enjoy every breath of life. I wouldn’t have to deal with the anxiety, because I could give it to God. I could be a better wife and mother because I’d be more positive and uplifting.
I’d be able to feel the sense of accomplishment of knowing that I am willing to do anything that God wants me to do, even if its not glamorous or fun. Every spiritual gift profile that I’ve ever taken says that I have wisdom, knowledge, and great leadership skills, but it also rates “service” and “giving” at the very bottom. At this point, its honestly still hard for me to even desire to give and serve. My natural tendency is to want to learn all that I can and then lead others. Even though I know that Jesus was a great servant-leader, my first goal when I get involved with something is to find a way to take over and make it better. I want to be able to use my natural leadership skills, but I also want to be able to be used in selfless service when its needed. (I get a knot in my stomach just thinking that God is going to make me do this, LOL)
I also want to be a better listener, and that also is strongly influenced by my desire to always lead. I currently want to lead conversations, be the center of attention, and always stand out. I want that to change so that I can be a better friend, wife, and mother.
Hmmm, At this point, I can honestly say that I don’t know if I even deeply *want* these things, but I “want to want” to be more like God calls me to be, even though it goes against every fiber in me :silly