Rawwwwwr! I just typed a whole entry and it was deleted!
OK, here goes again!
First – I go to Vanguard Church (to answer the question posed in my last entry from a reader).
OK, now for my blog:
My copy of Yourself!Fitness came in the mail today and it is completely awesome! Maya worked me like a mule, but it felt great! I tested in the highest level for all but upper body strength (I could only do 25 pushups), so she chose for my overall goal to be cardio and today’s focus was on upper body. I did everything beautifully except she wanted me to do 4 sets, which totalled 44, UNmodified straight-leg pushups. As I said above, I could only do 25 MODIFIED pushups in the evaluation, so obviously I had to ask her to go easier on me when it came to the straight pushups.
She had me do a lot of really cool different moves though, and she used my stability ball and free weights (which were actually big jars of Prego sauce, hehe). I’m really looking forward to my next workout, and I’m guessing that I’ll be sore tomorrow. At the end of the workout it said that I had burned almost 250 calories, which isn’t bad for 45 minutes of work.
Oh, and its a good thing that I burned that many calories, because I really needed to work off my dinner tonight! I didn’t eat a lot of food, but the food that I did eat was pretty unhealthy. I had some cheese fries (totalling about the size of my palm), 1/2 of a caesar side salad, and 4 coconut shrimp. I was quite full at the end of the meal, but luckily not too full, otherwise I probably would’ve thrown up during my workout
Tonight I finished day 2 of my Bible study, so I’m going to wrap up my blog by answering the final question in there.
Write out your reflections on areas in which you are especially susceptible to taking on the burdens of the old self. Then write a prayer to the Lord asking Him to help you live in freedom of the new self in these areas.
(Suggested possible areas include prideful independence, failure to recognize our worth as individuals, false comparisons of ourselves with others, preoccupation with our performance, etc).
In the author’s notes, she mentions that one area that she struggles with is that when people compliment her, sometimes she’ll put herself down so that they’ll go on about how great she is. I don’t remember ever intentionally doing this, but I know that there are times when I have disagreed with a compliment, which is wrong of me. Plus, I’m sure that when I did that, I didn’t mind if people went on about whatever they were complimenting me on, so I’m probably guilty in this area.
I definitely struggle with prideful independence. I think I’m just still learning how much I have conformed to the world and the feminist viewpoint in a lot of ways. Until the past few years, I was very proud of the fact that I could stand on my own, didn’t need anyone, and didn’t want any help. I have problems even trying things with people watching because I don’t want anyone to see me doing something if I can’t do it perfectly. The fact is that God has called us to rely on one another and has really built us so that its necessary, and by refusing to accept that, its as though I’m telling God that He didn’t set things up properly.
I am also very guilty of falsely comparing myself to others, whether that is to build myself up or tear myself down. I think that I can very easily slip into a mode of relativity, where I judge myself based on the fact that I am better or worse than others, rather than seeing God as the only being that I need to compare myself to and with whom I should try to align myself.
Finally, I know I am preoccupied with my performance. This is something that has always been very important to me. My mom will confirm this from an early age. I like to know that I have performed well and that others were pleased or impressed by my performance. I need to learn to put that aside and just do my best to live my life for God.
Well, here’s my prayer:
Please help me to live in the freedom of my “new self” in all of these areas that I have listed. Please help me to cast off all of my earthly ways and focus on the true tasks at hand, not these distractions. Thank you for showing me the areas that need attention and thank you for forgiving me and giving me grace so that I can move on. I love you, Lord, and its in Jesus’ name that I pray. Amen.